


"One million bullets". [Tom/Sebastian - one shot]

by A_Wolf



Category: British Actor RPF, Sebastian Stan - Fandom, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom, hiddlestoners
Genre: A.Wölf, Multi, Tumblr: theartofimagining13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-08-15 08:07:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8048764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Wolf/pseuds/A_Wolf
Summary: Based on prompt: “You’re going about your day, running errands when you get a call from your neighbor, to see if you’re okay since they hear a horrible ruckus coming from your home: loud bangs, glass breaking, & yelling. You’re obviously not there & Tom is away making appearances. You assume burglars or a deranged stalker. You race home & find Tom, a sobbing mess, sitting amongst your destroyed things. And…???”





	1. Chapter 1

                   

 **Originally posted at** : [The Art of Imagining](http://theartofimagining13.tumblr.com/).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                                 

                                                                                

[[ Music ]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4Ib25IUZ-Y)

* * *

Sentimental debris…

My house was covered with it.

My heart was beating out of my chest when I put my hand on the doorknob. I had just received a phone call from my neighbor while I was doing some shopping. He wanted to know if I was doing okay because he had heard screams and shattering noises coming from my house. I ran out of the store, got in my car, and drove home at full speed.

My husband, Tom, wasn’t coming back from his trip for another week. That could only mean that someone had broken into my place. My neighbor had used the words _“earsplitting”_ and _“havoc”_ while describing what seemed to be going on inside.

It was quiet when I walked in but I stepped on broken glass as soon as I did. A clear sign of the violent event that had taken place minutes earlier. My eyes roamed the room only to realize my whole living room had been trashed. I was surprised and relieved when I found Tom sitting on the floor right by the coffee table, with his back to me, holding a glass of scotch. But his hair was a mess, his tie was loosened up, and his white button down was dirty, letting me know that his trip was cut short because something terrible had happened.

I continued to scan the room. Our picture frames were no more, they were broken and our photographs had been torn up. I didn’t need to ask what was going on… I knew. And to confirm my suspicions, a strangled sob escaped Tom’s lungs.

 _“Tom…”_ I murmured.

I could see every muscle in his back stiffening at the sound of my voice. He slowly turned his head to glance at me over his shoulder. Bloodshot eyes and emptiness, instead of the beautiful blue shade I loved. My blood ran cold and a lump formed in my throat. He sniffed loudly and chugged the rest of his drink before standing up to approach me.

Tom had never and would never lay a finger on me, but he certainly looked like he would in that precise moment; he seemed dangerous.

 _“I loved you…”_ He slurred, triggering my tears.

He showed me my wedding ring, the one I had forgotten at some place by accident a few days ago.

 _“Does this mean nothing to you?”_ He asked as a tear rolled down his cheek. _“You wanted a big wedding… you got it. You wanted to go to Morocco for our honeymoon… I took you there. You wanted a fucking Jaguar… and your idiot of a husband bought you one, didn’t he?”_

My whole body trembled as I kept on weeping.

 _“Was he worth it?”_ Tom asked.

I couldn’t speak. It took all in me not to fall to my knees, but my long silence exasperated him and he ended up throwing the glass, causing it to shatter against the wall. I jumped at the loud noise and he gripped my arms forcing me to walk backwards until my back hit the concrete.

_“Come on, darling… don’t get shy on me now. Was he good?”_

_“Stop”_ I cried.

He grabbed my chin, forcing me to look straight into his eyes.

 _“Answer me”_ he said through gritted teeth.

_“It… it just happened. I-“_

_“Don’t you dare!”_ he screamed, interrupting my stutters. _“You know damn well how much I hate that bastard. You must’ve gotten off on that. I despised the way he looked at you every time we ran into him. Are you in love with him?”_ He let out a sarcastic chuckle and answered his own question. _“Of course not”._

He gripped my chin tighter and pressed his body against mine before adding,

 _“Because you love me”_ His voice broke. _“Don’t you?”_

Only a fool would’ve said _“no”_ in my position. However, a negative answer would’ve been a lie. I loved him terribly, despite what I had done.

 _“I love you”_ I breathed out.

Tom’s intense stare never left my eyes and before I knew it, he leaned in for a chaotic kiss in the midst of anger, betrayal, and sadness. The way he devoured my mouth spoke of love, longing, and spitefulness; all of it mixed with the liquor he had consumed.

He put his hands on my hips and grinded into me.

 _“Was he better than me?”_ He asked agitated.

My eyes shot open as he kept on kissing my neck.

_“Tell me. Is his cock bigger than mine?”_

_“No.”_ I breathed out, feeling a perfect mixture of fear and arousal.

Tom grunted as he bit my lower lip, and then he pressed his forehead against mine, and began whispering,

_“I hope you enjoyed our time then. I hope he caters to your every whim like I did, and satisfies you with his small dick, because, darling… you fucked me over… and no one will ever love you like I did”._

And with that fatal blow, he abruptly pulled away and a sharp sob escaped me. He grabbed my hand and let my wedding ring fall on my palm before closing it into a fist.

Tom took a last glance in my direction, taking steps back as if wanting to memorize my face before finally walking out the door; I knew he’d never cross that threshold again.

I couldn’t blame him. I had been lucky and skillful enough to hide a lover for over 3 months during his absence. Hide him from the man who loved me with every fiber of his being, and would’ve taken a bullet for me; one million bullets.

Sebastian, my paramour, was begging me to leave Tom and run away with him but I never agreed to it. As fucked up as it sounds, there was room in my heart for both of them. I had lied to Sebastian, and told him I’d get divorced but I was an idiot who forgot her wedding ring at his house after one of our encounters.

And my ruthless lover, wanting to possess me for good, shamelessly gave it to Tom.


	2. "The fruit of all my grief" (Prequel).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened before Thomas left her?

 

_ _

[[ Music ]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-5OX7CO26c)

* * *

 

_And as if the radio was trying to mock us, it had to play that song._

It was still raining when I exited the coffee shop. My favorite hot beverage in one hand, a script pressed against my chest using my arm, and an umbrella in the other one as I made my way through the city.  The gray sky made it look like it was almost midnight when it was actually 4:30 pm.

Working in a production house had its pros and cons. Sometimes one of us had to deliver scripts to some actors when we were interested in casting them in a film. I was on a mission to deliver one that day, but I knew I had been called for other reasons as soon as I read the familiar address on the memo; this is how we had met.

In time, one thing led to another, needless to say.

I was still half a block away from his apartment and I could already hear the loud music coming from the inside.

* * *

 

I caught a glimpse of his back when I walked in, he was standing in the middle of the living room, as I took off my jacket and hung it in the coat rack with my umbrella. I could see his messy hair and smoke coming out of his mouth when he threw his head back to blow it out. He turned, allowing me to get a good look at his side profile. He shut his eyes before his voice went up a few octaves to resemble the female one on the radio.

 _“I don’t wanna fight no more”._ He sung repeatedly, feeling the drumbeat in his heart as he moved his shoulders rhythmically.

Sebastian seemed to be relaxed, but I knew better.

He finally noticed me standing there and did not move an inch. He just sent a slight glare my way before getting back to his cigarette and discrete shoulder and hip movements.

God, I loved him.

He turned the volume down until the song became the soundtrack to our scene. He plopped down on the arm of the sofa and slouched, looking like a 12 year-old-brat about to throw a tantrum, then proceeded to age until he became a troubled teenager when, with a grimace, he took another drag on his cigarette.

I walked towards him and ran my fingers through his hair as soon as I stood before him. He glanced up at me, stole my coffee and took a sip.

 _“Do you ever miss me?”_ he abruptly asked after placing the cup on the coffee table.

I knew where this was headed. I shoved the script into his chest.

 _“No”_ I said. _“I don’t miss people”._

He threw it on the couch, and just as I suspected, he didn’t give a damn about the script.

In a swift motion, he passed an arm around my waist and pulled me onto his lap. Our faces were close enough for our lips to slightly rub against each other’s, but he stayed in place, with his blue eyes fixed on mine, only to find themselves glued to my lips seconds later.

_“Were you always this cold?”_

I rolled my eyes looking exhausted. I wasn’t in the mood to be psychoanalyzed. I had the money to pay a shrink to do that and chose not to, so this was almost offensive. I tried to stand up but he kept me there.

His inner child was mad because the girl he liked hadn’t called in days… _again._ I, the grownup, didn’t think it was necessary after having spent the previous weekend together. Not to mention, that what we were doing was terribly wrong.

 _“I want to see you more. Why won’t you let me?”_ He complained.

_“I saw you less than a week ago.”_

_“I want more”._ He said with a shrug.

I grabbed his chin and stared straight into his eyes.

 _“You want more?”_ I asked. _“Is that why you called my company and had them send me here under false pretense?”_

_“You weren’t answering your phone, what was I supposed to do?”_

_“Wait for my call”._

Sebastian took another drag, and held the smoke in only to let it all out slowly when he pressed his lips against mine. There we were, wrecking each others’ lungs, as if we hadn’t already built a ship to wreck.

 _“You’re just toying with me”._  He said.

I tried to stand up again and he finally set me free but his eyes did not.

_“Maybe”._

Sebastian looked away with a sarcastic side smirk, and a deep exhale.

 _“Fuck this.”_ He muttered under his breath. _“How long are you going to keep pretending like you don’t have feelings for me?”_

_“Oh I have feelings for you. We’ve established that. But that doesn’t give you the right to mix business with pleasure”._

_“Is he in town?”_

_“Well I haven’t called, have i?”_

_“Hmm”_ He said putting the cigarette out.

_“He gets on a plane tonight and will be gone for a week. Couldn’t you wait?”_

_“I don’t give a shit anymore, sweetheart. Let him watch for all I care”._

_“I will handle this my way. I need time”._

_“Just leave him”._

I exhaled and rubbed the bridge of my nose. _“Here we go again”_ I thought. I didn’t have time for the same old discussion.

 _“I should go”._ I said walking towards the coat rack to collect my jacket.

I had just opened the door when it banged shut. Sebastian was standing right behind me and had pushed it. I turned to face him.

 _“When?”_ he asked.

 _“It’s not that simple”_ I said brushing past him, back into the living room.

He followed me close behind, like a predator trying to intimidate me.

_“You said you would get divorced”_

_“Goddamn it, Sebastian”._

He stood before me, backed me against the wall and cupped my face in his hands, turning sweeter.

 _“I want you all for myself”_ he murmured.

He captured my lips with his, softly, letting me know how much he had missed me. I let my jacket fall to the floor.

 _“It’s a long process”_ I whispered.

His demeanor changed abruptly once more and we were back to being hostile. He trapped my arms above my head and grinded into me. He knew I was stalling. I had been for weeks.

 _“How do you sleep at night, baby?”_ He asked. _“Do you think about me while he’s fucking you?”_

His free hand traveled down my waist and underneath my skirt, he slowly pulled down my underwear and it sent thrills down my spine.

_“I bet you bite your lips to prevent yourself from screaming my name”._

I exhaled deeply, shutting my eyes, allowing his words to arouse me.

I felt his fingers caressing me, slowly, torturing me.

 _“That’s it”_ he whispered when he felt how wet he was getting me.

 _“Sebastian…”_ I said in a moment of clarity. It took all my concentration but I looked him in the eye and warned, _“Don’t do this.”_

He showed an evil grin and slowly inserted two fingers into me, making me gasp and weakening my knees.

 _“I thought you liked this”_ he said just staying there, not moving.

 _“You know what I mean”_ I swallowed hard.

He took a deep breath, taking his time, as if we were having a normal conversation and as if he wasn’t finger-fucking me.

 _“You see, the thing is, doll, I don’t like sharing”_ He muttered, looking calm and menacing at the same time. I could feel his fingers going in and out of me at a glacial and delicious pace. _“Just tell him you’ve fallen in love with a real man. One who fucks just the way you like it”._

I needed him to set me free, I needed to hold onto his shoulders but he kept the tight grip around my wrists, above my head. Then he kissed me again, his tongue begged for entrance, pleading to devour me and I let him in. The deeper his tongue went, his fingers obeyed and followed.

I moaned into his mouth and I could feel him smirking. My breath hitched, I was close.

 _“Just…”_ In. _“Come”_ out. In. _“With me.”_ Out again.

He pulled out completely. And he just stared at me. Without breaking eye contact, he licked his fingers to savor me, and then he let go of me.

I opened my mouth to speak but no sound came out. He was having fun and there I was frustrated. I wanted to come for him, not with him. I wasn’t ready yet.

 _“I guess we can’t do this anymore until you get divorced”._ He said looking proud of himself.

I huffed as I pulled up my underwear and walked towards the bathroom. I needed to splash my face with cold water pronto.

* * *

 

I looked at my reflection in the mirror.

This was so wrong yet so delightful. The more forbidden it seemed, the more alluring I found it. I did a mental calculation. 3 months. I had been having an affair with Sebastian for 3 months.

I took my wedding ring off and put it near the sink before letting the water run. How could I do this to Tom? He loved me. I loved him. I still did. But I had also fallen for Sebastian. The feeling was mutual. He kept begging me to leave Thomas and I kept on playing dumb and making up excuses because I wanted them both.

My thoughts were eating me alive, so I splashed my face. I could hear the same song starting again in the living room. I dried myself and walked past it to see Sebastian lighting up another cigarette, casually sitting on the couch as if nothing had happened. Boy, was he proud. I grabbed my jacket and headed towards the door.

 _“Take care, baby”._ He said out loud, glancing over his shoulder but without really looking at me.

I clenched my jaw at the sound of his sarcastic and evil tone.

I closed the door behind me, utterly oblivious to what was coming.

* * *

 

A couple days went by, my husband’s trip was cut short and only then I realized that I had forgotten my wedding ring at my lover’s place.

I surely wasn’t getting things done, _but Sebastian did._


	3. "Gimme all your love"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She thought she'd never see Tom again...

 

[[ Music ]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6-T-yHaJJo)

* * *

_“Darling, just… give me all your love”_ the ambitious man begged in a whisper, with his forehead pressed against mine, eyes closed, furrowed eyebrows; showing his pain but also the pleasure of thrusting into me once more slowly and deeply, with a strong arm on the wood headboard.

* * *

It was a full moon that night.

I could feel the chill in air as got out of the cab, auguring autumn’s quick approach. The sound of a few leaves crunching beneath my feet confirmed it for me as I made my way to my front door.

I went upstairs and took off my shoes as soon as I walked into my bedroom. I grabbed my forgotten cell phone, finally unplugging it, hoping it hadn’t overcharged, and I looked at the time. It was a quarter past nine and I was more than ready to place a food delivery, but something else caught my attention and my hunger vanished immediately. The room was colder than usual and the curtain billowed, which meant my balcony door was open, and I was a 100% sure I had closed it before leaving in the afternoon. 

The moonlight wasn’t bright enough to prove me right so I turned on my table lamp; the door was in fact open, and I felt like my heart would beat out of my chest.

The smell of cigarette smoke and a familiar cologne scent invaded my nostrils as I inched towards it. This couldn’t be… I thought I’d never see him again.

 _“Tom?”_ I asked recognizing him from behind.

He was alone in my balcony, smoking and looking at the city lights, perhaps pondering on something. His chin reached his shoulder when he heard me but he didn’t really glance over it, I bet he only saw my feet out of the corner of his eye. I felt like he hated my guts.

 _“What are you doing here?”_ I asked, leaning against the doorframe with my arms crossed.

I knew it was best to stay there and allow the distance between us to set a boundary. He finally spoke after he blew out the smoke.

 _“I boxed up some of my belongings”_ He said still looking at the view before him, barely acknowledging my presence. _“I didn’t know you’d be here. I thought you’d be with… him”._

The stressed _“him”_ broke my heart. It’s not like I was expecting Tom to be okay with this after only 3 months, but he still made it sound like it had just happened, and I felt like he deserved an explanation. I hadn’t seen nor talked to him all this time; hearing his voice and the evident pain in it made me ache for him.

 _“It’s not like that at all.”_ I said looking at the ground.

_“You wrecked this marriage because of him and the bastard hasn’t even asked you to move in with him yet?”_

His words… they were like daggers, but I had to be a big girl and take each one of them because I deserved it all.

_“I’m not moving in with anyone, I’m staying here… in my house”._

_“Our house”_ Tom mended for me, finally turning around.

When his blue eyes met mine at last, they made me weak in the knees. He was hurting but he still looked at me and made me feel beautiful. We stood there in silence, just staring at each other, perhaps having a conversation without speaking a word. I wanted to run into his arms, wanted him to hold me as tight as he could, and let this go because it no longer mattered.

I was a bad person. Selfish. Who on earth would forgive my actions?

 _“Just say the words”._ Tom said, interrupting my train of thought.

I froze. Of course he had read my mind. He had been my everything for years, he knew me like the back of his hand. Besides, my inner battle must’ve been written all over my face.

 _“Say it… and I will never let go”._ He murmured.

My heart raced and I could feel tears forming in my eyes. I forgot how to put a sentence together or so it seemed, but not for long, and after I spoke, I felt beyond relieved.

_“I love you”._

With that, he elegantly threw the cigarette off the balcony and it took him 4 rushed steps to tower over me, neglecting a vice over me. He put his hand on my cheek and I nuzzled it, then he captured my lips with his, desperately. He longed for this and so did i. Tom cupped my face gently in his hands as he kept on kissing me, and I put my arms around his neck. Then I felt his traveling down to my waist and he pulled me closer to him, deepening the kiss.

I wasn’t thinking, I just followed my heart.

Our breathing patterns changed at the same time, the moment escalated when he slipped his tongue into my mouth. Tom was devouring me, showing me how much he wanted me and had missed me, even after all I had done.

He loved me terribly. I had always known, and I loved him just as much.

I put my hands on his tie, ready to undo it, and he pulled away to show me a wolfish smile and let out a breathy chuckle which I imitated. The events and the time between them had changed nothing between us.

How could this moment be so pure and so wrong at the same time?

I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed Thomas. I needed him to undress me and make love to me, so I tugged on the end of his tie and dragged him into the house; he followed like an obedient beast.

* * *

 _“Darling, just… give me all your love”._ He murmured thrusting into me.  

I was technically still his, we were still married, but Tom was begging me to choose him, and it aroused me even more, but deep down I was sure he knew this didn’t mean I’d leave Sebastian, but it also meant that even after 3 months separated, I wasn’t going to leave _him_ either. I was a greedy woman, I wanted them both.

My almost ex-husband had turned into my lover, and he made me come violently once before the two of us came at the same time, moaning into each other’s mouths, wrapped in a mutual embrace, sweating and trying to catch our breath. This was all a big mess.

* * *

 _“What would he do if he found out?”_ Tom asked as he drew invisible patterns on my naked back.

His question caught me off guard and it made me wonder. I knew I was just being paranoid, but my mind did wander in a dark place for a second.

Had Tom slept with me to get back at _Sebastian_?

* * *

Sebastian exited the Italian restaurant hugging a paper bag against his chest, at 9:15pm.

He had taken a cab there but since his next destination was only a few blocks away, he decided to walk under the moonlight.

He was starving, but he could skip this meal just like he had earlier, and fuck her all night long instead. He craved her more than anything. Perhaps they could have dinner afterwards then, in bed. He was hopeful, looking forward to seeing her, touching her; she was all his now.

These thoughts were making his blood flow to a specific part of his body.

 _“God, I can’t fucking wait to see her”._ He thought as he, without noticing, increased his speed.

* * *

Sebastian entered her house and found all the lights on, kitchen and living room.

 _“Babe?”_ He called out.

No one answered.

He closed the door behind him and left the paper bag on the counter before trotting up the stairs.

He moved at a glacial pace once he reached the corridor that led to her bedroom when he heard strange noises; sharp exhalations, moaning, the wood headboard slightly banging against the wall, and what sent his heart into a downward spiral; the loud male grunts overlapping female whimpers.

Sebastian inched towards the door and just stood there with a dark and deadly frown on his face. There was no need to press his ear against it. He made a tight fist and clenched his jaw as tears of sheer anger formed in his eyes. He didn’t need to open it to know who was fucking his girlfriend. He already knew.

He was fighting it but a tear won and rolled down when he heard her coming, but he quickly wiped it away using his wrist while gritting his teeth. Sebastian turned on his heel and left, being careful enough and taking the Italian takeout with him in order to leave no trace.

The food ended up in the nearest sidewalk trashcan as he headed home. He felt like he could go back and kill her, kill them both. Why had she done this? How could she have been so cruel? Why text him and ask him to come if she would be with him?

But then it hit him… he knew these type of games… he put A and B together.

This wasn’t karma, this was revenge.

How could he be so stupid? She had never asked him to spend the night before, not in that house, it was still sacred to her somehow so it was always at his place.

Sebastian pulled out his phone, tapped a few options, and stared at the screen, reading the texts he had received earlier that came from her phone.

 

It had been _him._ Tom had set the trap.


	4. "Ball and chain".

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get out of control after Sebastian receives Tom’s texts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is too intense. Let’s just not forget it’s a work of fiction and Tom and Sebastian are just playing this crazy characters. <3

**Originally posted at** : [The Art of Imagining](http://theartofimagining13.tumblr.com/).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[[ Music ] ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWWAi7FCsYw)

* * *

_One for anger, one for the man, one for the girl…_ The third strike completely destroyed the windshield, and it felt cathartic.

* * *

Sebastian walked in circles.

He was 98 percent sure Tom had sent the text, certain that he was just sleeping with her to get back at him, and he just kept on walking around the block as he debated whether or not to go back and break his nose in front of her. It wasn’t until he realized he was trembling with anger that he decided to get away from there.

 _“I need a drink”_ he thought.

* * *

One for anger, one for the man, one for the girl… three shots of the strongest drink the nearest bar could offer entered his bloodstream. Sebastian kept glancing at his phone, reading the texts over and over again. The alcohol’s tingling and warm sensation was calming him, mostly because it was dulling his senses. He was entering another phase, a sadder one; he thought of her, the way she smiled at him, the way he held her naked in his arms. But soon, it wasn’t him anymore and his image was replaced by Tom’s, which made her wear an even bigger smile.

It was then that tears threatened to come out but he clenched his jaw and held them back. A new message popped on the bright screen.

_‘Unknown’_ had a name, and this confirmed his suspicions. Tom was guilty.

Sebastian’s blood boiled, he put the phone away, and ordered a cheap bottle, one of those that would get him drunk fast and make him forget, before exiting the bar to walk the streets drinking straight from it, not caring if anyone saw him. He had lost himself.

* * *

The sunlight was unbearable.

He opened his eyes, and the throbbing headache was killing him. Sebastian couldn’t even remember how he had gotten home the previous night. He sat up on his bed and his whole body was in pain. His clothes were scattered on the floor, along with two empty bottles, one of them broken. There was a vomit stain on the carpet which made his own skin prickle, and then he checked himself to notice the dry blood on his knuckles. _“What the fuck?”_ he thought as he racked his brain to try to remember the events, all in vain; he had had too much to drink and blacked out.

He stood up slowly, feeling 70 years old, and entered the bathroom to look in the mirror, but he saw somebody else. Who was this unhinged man, with a few scratches on his face and the darkest circles under his eyes? _“It’s all her fault. She did this to me. She has too much power over me”._ He splashed his face feeling instant relief, and brushed his teeth as he kept on pondering; but last night was still a blur.

Someone knocked on his door and the sound almost made his ears bleed.

* * *

 _“I’m going to call the police”_ Tom exclaimed while I covered my mouth with my hand out of sheer consternation.

He stood up and walked away as I took his seat in front of the desk and kept staring at his laptop screen, endlessly pressing _“play”_ and rewinding the security camera footage to make sure my eyes weren’t fooling me. I wished they were.

Tom had stayed the night after our encounter. But he called me right after he got home the next morning, asking me to drop by his old apartment, where he had been staying since our separation, telling me it was urgent. He did sound serious, demanding, and worried. And once I got here and he showed me the video, I understood why. I couldn’t even believe it.

 _“Don’t!”_ I yelled when I heard him dialing. _“There’s gotta be an explanation…”_

 _“That he’s bloody mad!”_ He snarled. _“He will pay for this”._

_“Don’t do anything just yet”._

_“Are you seriously going to defend him?”_

_“Let me talk to him”._

_“Absolutely not.”_ He said sounding as if I had just announced that I would spend the afternoon petting hungry lions. _“He’s dangerous”._

* * *

I had to beg Tom not to call the cops, and to let me handle this on my own.

I didn’t know why it happened, but I drove full speed to my destination to find out.

I knocked on his door once, twice… I didn’t have time for this so I banged on the door until a shirtless Sebastian opened. He looked terrible. His face was red, with scratches here and there, the smell of last night’s booze made my stomach turn, he was clearly sweating it out, he had the darkest circles under his eyes, and then I noticed the dry blood on his knuckles. It was obvious that he had done it, but I still needed to know why.

 _“What the fuck are you doing here?”_ He asked.

 _“What the fuck is wrong with you?”_ I raised my voice and knew he had the worst hangover when he shut his eyes and held his hands up, motioning me to keep it down.

I brushed past him into his apartment, and he rolled his eyes as he closed the door and turned to face me. I was so angry I was shaking. I wanted to pull his hair and drag him around the house to scold him like a rebellious teenager. At the end of the day, that’s how he was behaving.

 _“Are you out of your goddamn mind?”_ I said gritting my teeth.

_“You and me both, sweetheart”._

He said walking towards the kitchen and opening the fridge to pull out a bottle of water.

_“Why did you do it, Sebastian?”_

_“Why did I do what?”_

I let out a sarcastic chuckle and shook my head from side to side. The audacity of him.

_“You’re worse than a spoiled child, you know? I told you to let me handle it, and you didn’t listen. You told Tom about us, and made everything ten times worse, but that wasn’t enough, was it?”_

_“Sure… sure… go on and tell me how this is all my fault”,_ He said nonchalantly as he rubbed the bridge of his nose, _“I was the married one, I came to you, and somehow, I ruined it all for you”._

He had done a terrible thing and he genuinely didn’t give two craps. He was twisting things, trying to make me feel guilty when I had done nothing wrong, at least not in the last 24 hours. Well… I had, but he didn’t know and it couldn’t be compared to his actions. Yet he stood here in front of me, showing me what he was capable of and having no regrets after. For a second, I found myself scared of my lover.

 _“I just want to know why…”_ I said.

 _“Why what!?”_ He yelled exasperated, startling me.

I stared at him and he was looking me in the eye. He wasn’t lying, I could tell. I finally noticed that he truly had no idea what I was talking about.

_“Sebastian, exactly how drunk were you last night?”_

He looked ashamed for a second, swallowed hard, and glanced around the room. The kitchen aisle was the only thing separating us. I saw his laptop there.

 _“You don’t remember anything, do you?”_ I asked.

I grabbed the laptop and turned it on. He left the empty bottle of water and paced towards me.

 _“Oh I remember.”_ He said raising his eyebrows _, “How could I forget hearing your moans?”_

I glanced up at him, he was closer to me.

 _“The headboard banging against the wall”_ He whispered standing behind me.

He buried his fingers in my hair slowly, and put his arm around my stomach, pressing me against his body, his lips right next to my ear. He was distracting me, making me want him like he always did.

_“The way you screamed his name as you came”._

His words froze my blood. He knew. He wasn’t talking about us, he… His hand closed into a fist, my hair tangled in it and he jerked back as he walked backwards, taking me with him.

 _“You’re driving me insane”_ He said.

_“Sebastian… please… you’re hurting me”_

_“I’m hurting you?”_ He asked in a sarcastic tone.

He suddenly let go and spun me around. He gripped my arms, forcing me to make eye contact.

 _“You fucked him.”_ He said scrunching his nose. _“You come into my house after fucking him and ask me if I am out of my mind?”_

_“Sebastian, I-”_

_“How long have you been lying to me?”_

_“I haven’t. Please let go of me.”_ I complained.

He did so brusquely, almost making me fall backwards, and then he gave his back to me.

 _“Get the fuck out”_ He said quietly.

_“So this is why… this is why you got drunk off your mind, and-”_

_“I said get out”_. He warned facing me once more.

I was so mad. Enraged. I wasn’t just going to leave and let him get away with this, treat me like this. I delved into my purse and pulled out a USB, I stomped my way to him and shoved it into his chest, forcing him to grab it.

 _“Maybe this will refresh your fucking memory”_ I said.

He glanced at it in the palm of his hand, looking confused.

_“If you’re going to act like a drunk, then you’re going to have to own up to the things you do. I slept with my husband for crying out loud. My husband. And you lost yourself like that? God, you’re pathetic. Maybe I let Tom fuck me because he’s a man, not a fucking brat like you”._

I was spewing venom. One of those moments where you can’t think clear and the anger takes over your tongue and you just can’t stop, let alone measure your words. I was hurting him out of spite. I could see the pain in his face. I wasn’t proud of myself, but two could play this game.

He didn’t take another word, threw the USB across the room and grabbed me by the arm, headed towards the door, practically dragging me because I was fighting him.

_“How could I get involved with a woman like you? In an unhappy marriage who doesn’t know what she wants? It’s all a game to you. You’re hurting people and you don’t give a shit.”_

_“Oh, baby, it’s too late for that. Unhappy marriage? You were begging me to leave him but I never truly did, did i?”_

Our spiteful words started to overlap.

_“If you had been happy you wouldn’t have cheated on him”_

_“You had to force things and give him my ring because you wanted me, you wanted to own me. You love me so much you don’t know what to do with yourself, Sebastian”_

_“Shut up”_ He ordered struggling to open the door.

 _“You both do… you want me and you can’t help yourselves.”_ I managed to break free but he backed me against the door menacingly.

I put my arm around his neck and stared deep into his eyes.

 _“You did that last night because you hate his guts for having me”_ I got so close as I spoke, that our lips were slightly brushing, and he wasn’t fighting me, _“We both know, Sebastian… you just can’t let me go. You won’t.”_

His blue eyes seemed to darken, I could tell he was enraged too, but he kissed me, roughly and desperately, almost as if he was trying to hurt me with that act of love. We were panting, both of us crazy, aching to take each other’s clothes off. He kissed my neck as his hands travelled from my waist to my breasts and then he buried his face in them, holding onto me for dear life to prove me right because I knew he didn’t want to let go of me in any way, but he betrayed himself and did so abruptly.

 _“You can’t keep doing this to me”_ He said taking a step back. _“Leave”._

I tried to pull him back and made it worse. He just gripped my arm again to get me out of the way so he could open the door.

 _“You’re a fucking whore!”_ he yelled as he threw me out of his apartment.

The door banged shut and I hit it once with both fists.

 _“Fucker”_ I yelled but I lost strength near the end and it came out as sob.

I pressed my back against the door, and tears streamed down my face. I knew he was on the other side. I never meant for things to get so out of control. A big delusional part of me, wanted him to open up and pull me into an embrace, telling me he didn’t mean any of it so I could admit it too. We were so angry at each other and I said those things because I know we felt the same way. I’m the one who can’t let go of Tom, but I also can’t imagine my life without Sebastian. It’s all so empowering and invigorating, having two men at the same time, hating each other because of you but none willing to leave me for good, that’s how desirable you are.

I stood up straight, wiped the tears away, and left.

The moment had been too intense for me to ask myself how he knew. How did he find out that I had slept with Tom? But I was exhausted. I just wanted to go home, close all the curtains and sleep for the rest of the day.

* * *

Sebastian had both hands on the door right above his head, which hung low, after banging it shut, and he knew she was still there. His angry tears felt to the floor as he wondered how the two of them had gotten there. She was right about everything, and he hated her for it, but there was no point in denying it. He loved her, he wanted her, and he had said horrible things because she hurt him first, yet he was willing to fight Tom a million times just to get her back.

Sebastian walked towards the living room, already feeling like he could use a drink, but then he saw it. The USB had landed a few feet away from the coffee table. What was she going to show him? The discussion only worsened his headache so everything was still a blur, he didn’t remember anything, and he did feel bad because he wasn’t an alcoholic to be going through this. He picked it up and sat before his laptop.

There was a video file in the USB, labeled as _“Security camera footage”._ He clicked on it and then it all started coming back.

* * *

After Tom’s newest shameless text, Sebastian went on a rage. He walked home, drinking straight from the cheap bottle, drinking the very last drop of it. The people on the street stared knowing that if the cops saw him, he’d be in trouble. It didn’t happen. It was as if the universe conspired to help him get his drunken revenge.

Sebastian walked into his house, put on a hoodie, and grabbed a baseball bat. 30 minutes later, he arrived at Tom’s. She had mentioned once, that after their fight, he had gone back to his old apartment.

He staggered towards the driveway and smirked, feeling proud of himself because even in his state, he had noticed and remembered; when he arrived at her place earlier that night and caught them, he never saw Tom’s car parked anywhere near there. But there it was. Safe and sound, the gorgeous black Jaguar.

Men love women, but even more than that, men love cars.

Sebastian gripped the bat tighter and stood before the Jaguar, feeling like a baseball player about to hit home run.

 _One for anger, one for the man, one for the girl…_ The third strike completely destroyed the windshield, and it felt cathartic. He even threw his head back to take a deep breath, as all his muscles relaxed.

He hated him for having found her first, for having been inside her before him, for having taken her away again, and for having been inside of her once more. For the evil texts, for the heartache he now felt, and for tomorrow’s hangover.

* * *

Sebastian stared wide eyed at the screen, seeing himself smashing one of the headlights and windows, even using his fist for one, and then striking the car hood with the bat before running away.

He shut his eyes and shook his head. He remembered now. After that, on his way back home, he had bought a second bottle, the one that helped him black out and lose this memory. He relived the stomach pain, the nausea, and he could see himself crawling towards the bed and falling unconscious.

Sebastian ran his fingers through his hair, exasperated, knowing he had taken it too far.

 _“But do I regret this?”_ he asked himself. _“No.”_ He thought. _“I regret making her mad”_.

He left the laptop and stood up. He paced around, thoughts racing.

_“She made me do this. I’ve lost it. I’ve completely lost it and it’s all her fault. She’s… everything I ever wanted.”_

He buried his face in his hands as he kept on walking. He felt like begging her… he’d beg her to set him free of whatever spell she had put on him. He had never done anything like it, he was a calm man, yet he didn’t recognize himself anymore; drinking in abundance, becoming easily enraged, wanting to fight another man to death, it just wasn’t like him.

This love was consuming him. It was starting to feel like a ball and chain, and for the first time, he asked himself if it was worth it, if she was good for him.

Tom would come after him, he was sure. Who could blame him?

 _“Is she worth it?”_ He wondered, _“Do I really want to go through this again just for her?”_

It took one glance towards his messy bedroom, the vomit stain, and the pain from his knuckles, to convince himself that he wanted to be free. He didn’t want his love for her to be stronger than his mind. He didn’t want to just act without thinking anymore.

He could imagine her running back to Tom after their argument, telling him how he got violent, and him holding her.

He’d stay away from her, let her get back together with her husband. He would try, but her words resonated in his head,

_“You just can’t let me go”._

_“I can try”_ Sebastian said to himself.

* * *

_Everything’s so odd and pointless._

I managed to push Sebastian away for good this time. I haven’t seen him in weeks. Tom and I have been spending more time together lately, but something’s not right… He doesn’t mention Sebastian at all. He’s the man I cheated on him with for crying out loud. No one can forgive that so easily, not to mention the Jaguar situation… _so why hasn’t he addressed the elephant in the room?_

I walk downstairs, wearing nothing but his blue button down. We fucked and then slept the whole afternoon. I watch him moving around the kitchen, our kitchen, as if nothing had happened, as if our marriage hadn’t had an interruption because of another man. Tom glances at me over his shoulder and smiles warmly. He then pours coffee into a mug and hands it to me.

 _“Let’s go to the theater tonight”._ He says kissing the top of my head.

I’m thinking about Sebastian… but he’s gone, isn’t he? Why can’t I just settle for this? Why isn’t Tom enough? I want him to take things off my mind.

I take both his mug and mine, put them on the counter so I can put my arms around his neck and kiss him. I pull away and he leaves his forehead pressed against mine and I nod, his blue eyes stare deep into mine as he puts his hands on my waist. He knows what I want. In a swift motion, he hoists me onto the counter and captures my lips with his, unbuttoning the shirt as I bury my fingers in his head.

It’s like a second honeymoon lately…

I wrap my legs around him and he carries me upstairs, not breaking the kiss.

_Help me forget, Tom. Help me forget Sebastian so we can get a second chance at a happy marriage._

* * *

 

It was raining and i was joyful. I had a great evening out with my husband at the theater. I forgot about everything for almost 3 hours and just memorized the way he stared at me as he randomly took my hand, and kissed my knuckles. 180 blissful minutes until we came home and I caught a glimpse of Sebastian sitting on the sidewalk, under the rain, waiting for me.


	5. "What kind of man?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter based on (Sort of): Imagine: After having a huge fight with Sebastian, you run out of the apartment, and he spends hours looking for you but eventually ends up sitting on the stairs in front of your building, soaked up in rain.

**Originally posted at** : [The Art of Imagining](http://theartofimagining13.tumblr.com/).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[[ Music ] ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rykH2bUlz_4)

* * *

The ground was still wet from the rain. I felt the cool wind in my face, heard the leaves crunching beneath my feet as I went deeper into the woods. It sounds like a religious experience, or as if I was doing this to blow off some steam after a long day. But as I got closer to my destination and the sound of the stream got louder, my heartbeat stuttered and not in the good way. No. This wasn’t good at all. I was scared of what I’d find because I knew my biggest fears were about to come true.

My Jaguar, the one Tom had taken home for the night, was parked next to the stream. The front and rear doors open, headlights on but it was empty. Then, as my eyes wandered around, I saw them, both of them a few feet away, Tom and Sebastian; the first man straddling the second one on the ground, and him struggling beneath him to dodge the fist coming at his face.

And it was all because of me…

_What kind of man loves like this?_

* * *

I glanced at Tom who had his eyes fixed on the road as he pulled up at my place. Had he not seen Sebastian? I was praying he hadn’t or this would only mark the beginning of World War III. The UK vs. Romania.

Tom noticed I was staring at him and gave me a warm smile as he grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles ever so lovingly. I hoped my nervousness wasn’t obvious. My lover was sitting on the sidewalk, almost on my neighbor’s, under the rain, and my husband had just driven by him; I was terrified.

Tom suddenly let go of my hand and my heart jumped to my throat. _This is it. He saw him. He hates me._ I thought. Only to realize I was prone to paranoia because he only did it to place his hand on the shift gear and park in front of our house. I needed him gone. Otherwise, this would get ugly.

 _“Take the car tonight”,_ I said as soon as he turned off the ignition.

He raised his eyebrows at me looking confused.

 _“I thought I could spend the night again”,_ he said.

 _“I’m tired”,_ I lied, _“and it’s raining. I’m not going to let you take a cab. Pick me up in the morning for breakfast?”_

He studied me for mere seconds in silence, but I swear they felt like hours, and I also felt like I was breathing louder. As if my true worry was written all over my face in bright red letters. To my relief, he smiled, nodded, and reached out to place his hand on my cheek.

 _“Are you really tired, darling?”_ he asked, _“You can talk to me, you know that.”_

Yes, I was guilty. I had used the _“I’m tired”_ lie so many times before instead of just saying what I was upset about, that he no longer believed me when I said those words. I decided to distract him with the easiest weapon; sex.

 _“Thomas, you fucked me all day”,_ I murmured before leaning in to kiss him tenderly and pulling away seconds later, _“It’s a miracle I didn’t fall asleep during the play”._

He chuckled, looking straight into my eyes.

 _“I just want to take a warm bath and go to bed”,_ I added.

“ _Very well then”,_ he said reaching for the door handle.

He was going to walk me home. Of course. Chivalry isn’t dead but I really didn’t have time for it.

 _“Don’t.”_ I exclaimed. “ _I’ll just take the umbrella”._

He stared at me. Did he clench his jaw? Was I seeing things? I wouldn’t breathe again until I saw him driving off, so before he could fight me about it, I took the umbrella and opened the door.

 _“I’ll see you in the morning”,_ I said.

_“Goodnight, love”._

I opened the umbrella and stepped out of the car. I made my way to my front door, slowly, and I glanced at Sebastian. I’m pretty sure I made a face that said _“Just wait another minute”_ as I took my keys out of my purse. I could still hear the engine behind me. Tom was waiting for me to go inside, make sure I was safe and sound which is usually endearing, except now. It was insufferable.

I walked into the house and heard the car speeding off slowly. I felt relieved. But then he went faster and I heard the tires screeching. I opened the door again to realize Tom had made a U-turn, and he was getting out of the car, leaving the engine running as he walked over to Sebastian looking like a hungry beast about to feed on an innocent creature. My blood ran cold and I froze in the doorway when he sent a glare my way and showed a condescending smirk to let me know he had seen him from the beginning; he was testing me.

Sebastian jumped to his feet to face him, and Tom put his hands roughly on his shoulders and pulled him by his coat.

 _“We’re putting an end to this now”,_ he warned.

 _“Don’t fucking touch me!”_ Sebastian threatened, trying to push him away but Tom put his arm around his neck, and had him in a chokehold in no time.

When Sebastian started trying to fight him, my first instinct was to run and break them apart, but Tom stopped me.

 _“Don’t you dare!”_ he screamed at me, _“Stay in the bloody house”._

Tom dragged Sebastian with him, and opened the rear door, pushing him into the backseat but he kept fighting him.

 _“Get in the fucking car!”_ he snarled through gritted teeth.

I ran towards the vehicle.

_“What the hell are you doing?”_

He banged the door shut.

 _“Weren’t you going to take a warm bath and go to bed, darling? Or was that yet another one of your lies? You just couldn’t wait to let him in, am I right?”_ He said slicking his hair back with his hand before getting behind the wheel.

 _“Thomas, stop! Let him go.”_ I complained.

But it was too late. He had already locked the doors from the inside. I banged on the windows, Sebastian stared at me with a worried look on his face but Tom drove off, leaving me in the middle of the street, under the fading rain, and frightened to death.

* * *

Tom was going at full speed.

 _“Stop the fucking car”._ Sebastian ordered.

_“You’ve got some nerve. I thought you’d finally steer clear, but you just can’t respect a married woman, can you?”_

Sebastian shook his head and let out a sarcastic chuckle.

_“Yes, it’s all me. Not like she came knocking on my door multiple times, begging me to fuck her because you were obviously not doing a good job. But whatever makes you feel better, asshole”._

Tom gripped the wheel until his knuckles turned white while glaring at him through the rearview mirror, and made a violent left towards the woods near his wife’s house, which almost gave Sebastian whiplash.

_“Where the fuck are you taking me?”_

* * *

I just ran.

I ran after the car without thinking. What else could I do? I couldn’t see it anymore but I kept going anyway, feeling a big lump in my throat. I made it to the second traffic light, and I could feel myself giving up and coming up with plan b; calling 911.

I looked around, the street was empty. They couldn’t be too far. Where the fuck had Thomas taken Sebastian? I pulled out my phone and dialed my husband’s number. It rang endlessly and in vain, so I groaned and hung up. I crossed the street and started walking back, along the woods. My head was spinning and I was trembling but I knew it wasn’t from the cold, I was just worried sick.

Suddenly, something caught my attention, a flashing light coming from deeper in the woods. Were those headlights? I had to get closer, and as I did, I thought I heard a male voice. This couldn’t be happening. If Tom had brought Sebastian to a secluded place… I stopped myself, but kept walking.

Tom and I used to come to this place for our daily runs in the morning, back in the day. There was a small stream, and it was all so beautiful and green. I never thought I’d be walking there by myself in the middle of the night; it wasn’t as pleasant.

Thankfully the rain had stopped but the ground was still wet, and I could hear the leaves crunching beneath my feet as I went deeper into the woods. The sound of the stream got louder, and my heartbeat stuttered and not in the good way. It augured that my biggest fear was about to come true.

My Jaguar was parked next to the stream. The front and rear doors open, headlights on but it was empty. Then, as my eyes wandered around, I saw them, both of them a few feet away, Tom and Sebastian; the first man straddling the second one on the ground, and him struggling beneath him to dodge the fist coming at his face.

 _“You were just a distraction… a whim. But she married me!”_ Tom growled through gritted teeth as both men wrestled each other.

 _“There’s something called divorce”._ Sebastian spat back.

Bam. Tom punched Sebastian in the face. He recovered in no time and used all his strength to push him off and roll on top of him before mimicking the right hook.

 _“She never asked for it”_ , Tom breathed out.

 _“Stop!”_ I yelled as I ran towards them.

They kept struggling trying to strangle each other, both of them with their clothes ruined, stained with mud, messy hair. I stood before them.

 _“Stop this now!”_ I ordered, putting my hands on Sebastian’s shoulders and trying to pull him up but he flinched, pushed his shoulder back making me stumble, and I landed on my butt.

At least, that made them cease, and they looked at me with wide eyes.

Tom took advantage of the distraction, to push Sebastian off, and stand up, rushing to my side, but i just held my hand up, motioning him not to move another inch.

 _“Are you okay?”_ he inquired, only to be echoed by Sebastian.

 _“What is wrong with you?”_ I asked as I got up. _“Both of you”._

 _“How is this my fault?”_ Sebastian complained.

 _“This is your entire fault”_ Tom retorted.

_“Yeah, I waited in the rain for you because I just couldn’t wait to be kidnapped, and get my ass kicked in the fucking woods. I’m the victim here!”_

_“Victim?”_

_“Shut up!”_ I yelled exasperated. _“Just… shut the fuck up”._

They were behaving and fighting like children. The oddest thing was that they were actually listening to me, I was in charge despite being the youngest one. Once in silence, I studied them both. Their bedraggledness was now accompanied by bloody lips as well.

 _“Have you lost your mind?”_ I asked Tom.

_“He destroyed my car, you saw it, and now I’m the one who-”_

_“Oh, please!”_ Sebastian yelled cutting him off. _“You’re not that innocent, buddy.”_

Tom clenched his jaw, scowling at him. I frowned.

 _“Enough”._ Tom warned.

Sebastian’s lips parted twice and no words came out but a chuckle instead.

 _“Oh… she doesn’t know”._ He said sounding amused. _“You haven’t told her”._

Sebastian glanced at me, and when I looked at Tom, his guilty blue eyes landed on the ground.

_“Tom, what is he talking about?”_

No answer was given, but Sebastian stepped forward while reaching into his back pocket. Tom gripped his wrist when he pulled out his cell phone, trying to stop him, but my lover smirked and shook his head at him.

 _“What the hell is going on?”_ I asked sounding genuinely pissed.

 _“We both have done some shit, man. Just own it”_. Sebastian said and then looked at me. Tom let go of him. _“That night you… slept… with him, do you remember sending me these?”_

He handed me the phone and I looked at the screen. Then it all came back.

That night when I got home and found Tom there, I had gone straight upstairs and into the bedroom to fetch my phone which I had forgotten on the nightstand, charging. But then I saw him on the balcony. One thing led to another. But he had said something… something that had made me doubt his intentions for a second, and I remembered I even cursed myself for not trusting him, but I had been right this whole time. Tom had texted Sebastian from my phone to set a trap so he’d find out about us.

 _“You”,_ I said in almost a whisper, feeling like I had just drank a cocktail of raw anger and sadness, _“You used me”._

 _“I would never do that and you know it”,_ he said.

I could feel the tears forming in my eyes but I used all my remaining strength to fight them back. It seemed Tom was doing the same.

_“Why did you sleep with me? Why are you doing all of this, Thomas?”_

_“Because I love you”,_ he said raising his voice a little, _“And I won’t give you away for him to take so easily”._

I shook my head and took a step back, looking at the ground and feeling utterly confused.

 _“Darling, i…”,_ he muttered approaching me.

I held my hands in front of me.

_“Stop. Just stop. Stop lying”._

Tom looked so brokenhearted and mad. And Sebastian wasn’t looking at either of us, trying to give us privacy somehow.

_“Is this really how it’s going to be? You slept with him and… I forgave you”._

_“Did you really?”_ I asked.

Tom didn’t answer.

 _“Could you ever truly forgive me for that?”_ I pushed.

_“I didn’t force you that night, darling. You wanted it as much as I did”._

He was right. I felt like it and I did it. I couldn’t blame him for it.

_“But you got Sebastian into this whole mess”._

_“And then he went on to destroy my car. Are you going to defend him still?”_

I was going insane. They were just accusing each other and what was I supposed to do? I cheated on Tom first and Sebastian gave him my wedding ring to let him know. Then I did the same to him and it was Tom’s turn to let him know. Then Sebastian took it out on Tom’s car and now we were here.

 _“Just leave”,_ I whispered.

 _“I could’ve put him in jail but I didn’t”,_ Tom complained.

_“I said leave”._

_“Don’t do this”,_ He begged.

 _“You heard her”,_ Sebastian said.

 _“Sebastian…”_ I warned.

Tom made a tight fist and swallowed hard before grudgingly walking towards the car.

 _“I’m very sorry”,_ Sebastian murmured once we were alone.

_“I meant both of you. Go”._

He frowned, looking like an offended teenager in denial, as usual.

Without another word, I turned on my heel, heading back home. I walked alone for a minute or two until I felt him catching up but keeping a distance. I was beyond exhausted, mentally and emotionally, so I didn’t say anything to him as he followed me quietly.

* * *

As I reached my driveway I remembered how this whole thing started; Sebastian was waiting for me when I got here. Why?

I opened the door and turned to face him.

 _“I just wanted to make sure you’d make it back safe_ ”, he said with a slight shrug while putting his hands in his pockets, _“I’ll disappear now”._

He gave his back to me and started walking away but I stopped him and made him approach me once more when I called his name.

 _“I didn’t see you for weeks… why did you come back?”_ I asked.

He showed a weak smile.

_“How do I say this without sounding like him?”_

He stayed in silence for a couple minutes until he added,

_“Because I love you, and i don’t want you to go back to him”._

I stared at him for several seconds and then inched closer to him, embracing yet another mistake I was about to make. Instead of just letting him go and making a promise to stay away from him and maybe even Tom, I grabbed onto his shirt and pulled him towards me to capture his lips with mine. It caught him by surprise but he kissed me back in no time. He pulled away looking beyond confused but straight into my eyes as if asking permission.

 _“I wanted to stay away from you. I tried…”_ he said.

But I just kissed him again tasting a little bit of his blood, and this time, he put his hands on my waist and walked into the house with me, kicking the door shut and pushing me against the nearest wall.

What was I doing? I no longer cared. I just wanted to feel his hands on my bare skin again.

I pushed his coat down his shoulders and took his shirt off in a rush. He got rid of mine, and our pants and underwear were gone in no time. He lifted me up so I could wrap my legs around his waist. He kissed my jaw line and neck, desperately as his breath hitched. I could feel his hardness rubbing against my entrance as his tongue danced with mine in yet another passionate kiss.

Even though we were immersed in a big mess, this felt right. Natural. We were meant to be naked right then and there.

Sebastian entered me with a grunt, making me moan.

 _“I missed you.”_ He breathed out. _“I fucking missed you, doll”._

I ran my fingers through his hair and tugged at it, which he took as an order to start thrusting hard, fast and deep into me. My back kept hitting the wall and I dug my nails into his shoulders. I was mad at him, mad at Tom, mad at myself, but I had never wanted this more. Perhaps I wanted him to be rough with me, as a form of punishment, but there were feelings involved nevertheless. Maybe I was letting him fuck me to pay my husband’s debt for what he had done; but none of it mattered because we were all guilty.

I suddenly remembered what he had done to Tom’s car, out of spite, anger, and love, and I found myself even more aroused, and he noticed.

 _“Fuck, you’re dripping”,_ he growled into my ear, and I felt him grow harder inside of me.

I felt so powerful. These two men were doing terrible things because of me. I was that desirable. I had hurt them both but they wouldn’t let me go. Regardless of all the damage, Thomas and Sebastian came crawling back for more. And I was theirs.

 _“Do you love me?”_ I asked Sebastian.

He sunk into me as deep as he could, and nibbled on my neck before answering,

_“More than I can explain. I wish I could hate you”._

I chuckled.

 _“Hate me”,_ I whispered.

Sebastian gazed into my eyes and smirked understanding what I meant. He gripped my thighs tighter and started pounding into me mercilessly. My back hit the wall harder with each of his brutal thrusts and I whimpered with intense pleasure. He moaned louder and stiffened.

 _“Fuck!”_ he exclaimed.

And as soon as I felt his member throbbing inside me and his warm liquid filling me, i came. I held onto his shoulders for dear life, sweating despite the cold weather, panting even. He held me tighter and buried his face in the crook of my neck. Then he gently put me down but didn’t let go of my waist and I kept my arms around his neck. He pressed his forehead against mine.

 _“I fucking love you”,_ he whispered.

I smiled and closed my eyes. He meant he wouldn’t try to stay away from me anymore. It was all forgiven, not forgotten perhaps, but irrelevant in that state of bliss.

_What kind of man loves like this?_

* * *

It had been a long night.

She was finally asleep, resting on Sebastian’s chest as he stared blankly into space while playing with her hair. But then he looked at her… and something came into his mind. There was no point in questioning her feelings anymore or fighting Tom. Sebastian knew it would never end. Making her choose would be useless. He’d have to make a decision, so he reached for his phone on the nightstand and stared at the screen.

He typed a text, knowing the big risk he was about to take, but in his mind, there was no other solution.


End file.
